My sober 2024:

“I’m sober now”

The words feel crisp, confident, and clear coming from my voice. It’s April 2024, I’m no longer trying them on, it feels right to say it out loud. This didn’t always feel like the case. I search the face of my intended recipient. Their eyes flash with questions, happiness, and maybe a tinge of self reflection, “is she judging me?” Each person I tell has a different mix of reactions. I can sense them all as they process the words I’ve said, words they weren’t expecting.

One of my friends leaps up and gives me a huge hug, right in the middle of the grocery store. She’s proud of me, she says, I can feel her genuine pride and happiness as our hearts press against each others. Others furrow their brows and say “oh really? why? How long? Did something happen?” No, nothing specifically happened, I reassure them, I’m ok.

I tell them “a few reasons.” If the time and place are right, I might mention my vulnerable personal reasons. How I’ve seen how alcohol changes people I love, I’ve seen how alcohol changes me. Or I might go the health and wellness route, I’ll tell them “I’ve learned more about how it impacts our physical bodies and our brains.” Either way I act nonchalant, I usually end with - “I’m just better without it.”

They almost always ask, if I miss it, how I cope at family events, with stress, bachelorette parties and weddings. But, honestly no, I actually don’t miss it, and now that I know what I know, now that I feel what I feel, I know its true when I say “I’m better without it.”

At risk for sounding holier than thou, I spare them the full details. People can be weird about alcohol consumption. While no one I’ve said it to has given me any grief, I’ve known the rhetoric “oh you think you’re better than me because you don’t drink?” I definitely don’t. Truthfully I feel pretty neutral, it’s simply a choice we make, to drink or don’t drink. It is harder to go against the social norm, so if anything maybe even a bit sheepish about the whole thing.

I answer more questions - Yes saying no at first was extremely hard, almost impossible. I tell them saying no is like flexing a muscle, the more you do it, the easier it gets. I’ve also found that people actually care a lot less about how much you are or are not drinking than you may think. We are all the main character in our own heads, they aren’t thinking that much about you, I promise. A lot of people don’t even notice. I went through an entire bachelorette weekend without alcohol and no one noticed until the last night, they were shocked! “You’ve been sober this whole time?!?!” (lol).

Choosing to drink is not wrong, and sobriety isn’t right for everyone, it’s a mix of both, we’re all different. Alcohol is a touchy subject and it’s so pervasive in our society. If you ever suggest to someone to cut back or to stop drinking, it’s almost always met with a defensive “what? I don’t have a problem!” but that’s not the point, at all. I think our reflexive defensiveness says something about the societal view on alcohol. It’s flirty and fun until you’ve taken it too far and it becomes “the devils juice.” Only then, when it’s impacting your life, when you can’t function with or without it, then it’s ok to give it up and we as a society support and applaud those who become sober. This isn’t the way I see it though, you don’t have to have a problem to question the roll of alcohol in your life. Once you start to question whether it’s right for you, really and truly good for you, you’re opening up the door to so many possibilities. You’ll find your why to become sober if you want to. If you want to stop drinking, you will, and you will have your own reasons for doing so.

My goal isn’t to convince anybody of anything. For me alcohol became completely incongruent with the rest of my life choices.

• Gut health - why do bother I pounding kimchi and yogurt for my microbiome only to then douse those helpful little buggers in alcoholic poison?

• Brain health - why am I religious about my omega 3 and 1 cup of blueberries a day only to allow ETOH to cross my blood brain barrier and kill off new neuronal connections?

• Productivity - Why was I struggling to wake up early and meditate and then prioritizing one or two drinks, not allowing that routine that fills me up everyday to be prioritized?

• Connection - How could I let alcohol be the only time I connected with my people? What does that say about me? How am I different when drinking (good and bad)? Can I be me totally sober?

I could tell you how I feel mentally clear, how my body feels physically, how I cope emotionally now without alcohol. You might be happy for me, you might be annoyed, you probably don’t care. I am not the main character in your life, you are. If you have any inkling of changing your relationship with alcohol you have to find your why. Your own reasons will be 100 times more powerful to you than mine.

If after reading this you’re thinking you’d like to try on sobriety too and you have questions, I’m here for you. And if you read this and thought “hell no, shut up please,” I’m also still here for you and I love you just the same.

I can only hope that maybe I inspire you, maybe you can consider your alcohol intake and what it looks like and/or how your life looks without it.

Sober Curious? Here are my tips:

1. Start with an accountability partner: Share your intention to go alcohol-free with three people you trust. Ideally these should be people you know well, even better if they are people you usually drink with. Their reactions might surprise you, but true friends will support you regardless. Having someone to check in with can help you stay committed and feel less alone on this journey.

2. Track your progress with visuals: Create a physical representation of your achievements. Print out a calendar for January and mark each alcohol-free day with a gold star or smiley face. Seeing your progress grow can be incredibly motivating! Don’t forget to celebrate milestones – it’s a big deal! Replace alcohol-based celebrations with treats like a new book, a delicious mocktail, or even a sushi date. For example, one week sober? Host a mocktail party with friends. 24 hours sober? Grab a fancy latte from your favorite coffee shop. Every step forward is worth celebrating.

3. Find a new hobby: One of the joys of sobriety is rediscovering time and energy. Channel these into something you’ve always wanted to try. Whether it’s painting, learning a new instrument, trying out yoga, or diving into baking, this is your chance to reconnect with yourself. Even simple activities like taking nature walks or picking up journaling can bring immense satisfaction.

4. Document your transformation: Sobriety often brings noticeable changes – clearer skin, better sleep, more energy, and a refreshed mindset. Write it all down. Journaling not only helps you document these shifts but also keeps you grounded. Include reflections on your mood, energy levels, and any challenges you overcome. Consider taking progress pictures to visualize the impact on your physical health.

Recommended Reading:

These are books that helped inspired my journey and I return to when I feel low in my sobriety.

This Naked Mind by Annie Grace

Quit like Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol by Holly Whitaker

The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray

Sober Curious by Ruby Warrington

Recommended Listening:

Hearing other’s stories and expert insights can strengthen your resolve.

• What Alcohol Does to Your Body, Brain & Health by Andrew Huberman

• What Alcohol Does to Your Body: Harvard’s Dr. Sarah Wakeman With the Medical Facts You Need to Know by Mel Robbins

• How to Transform Your Life at Any Moment: The Alcoholic Lawyer that Became “The Fittest Man on the Planet” with Steven Bartlett and Rich Roll on Diary of CEO Podcast

Follow:

Find motivation and tips by connecting with sober-focused content.

• @corrinamontejano

• @eatlizabeth

Mocktail supplies:

Don’t fear the empty hands - cocktails can be simple and flavorful.

• Bitters

• Ginger beer

• Lime/lemon/orange squeeze and sparkling water

• Poppis/Olipop

Mindset reminders:

• Remember, no one is judging you: Most people are too focused on their own lives to care about your drinking choices.

• Be unapologetically yourself: Don’t let others’ expectations or comments sway your commitment.

• Focus on how great you feel: No guilt, no hangovers, no anxiety. Sobriety allows you to feel like your best and most authentic self.

Starting your sobriety journey might feel daunting, but the rewards far outweigh the challenges. Take it one day at a time, lean on your support system, and remember – every day alcohol-free is a win for your mind, body, and soul. Here’s to your Dry January and beyond!

If you’re looking for additional support or want to make Dry January part of a holistic health and wellness lifestyle, I’m here to help! As a certified health coach, I would love to guide you on your journey to sobriety and beyond. Let’s work together to create a plan that supports your goals and empowers you to thrive. Reach out to learn more about my coaching services.